1. Constant humming or singing. We’ve got the radio, thanks, and this isn’t an X-Factor audition. Same goes for those finger-drumming, pencil-tappers out there. Listening to somebody else make noise over a long period of time is akin to Chinese water torture. If you are a victim of this and can take it no more, maybe take a leaf out of Mark Wahlberg’s book in The Other Guys....
2. Never throwing anything away. At best, it’s lazy and at worst, unhygienic! If you’ve finished eating or drinking something, throw away your wrappers.
3. Not pulling your weight. Refusing to ever do any washing up or the tea rounds means you’re not going to make many mates in the office – so keep an eye out for when it’s your turn!
4. Coming in when you’re ill. Nobody likes having to sit next to someone who is coughing, spluttering and sniffing. This is common sense - there’s nothing worse than germy tissues lying around near other people’s stuff, so stay at home!
5. Interrupting people when they’re busy. It should be fairly obvious if someone doesn’t want to have a chat, or is tied up with something else. Don’t just hover around – send them an e-mail so they can respond in their own time! Anyone remember Catherine Tate’s hilarious take on irritating colleagues who just won’t shut up?!
6. Asking inane questions. About to ask a something in the office? Hold up! Stop...think...Will Google know the answer? Asking incessant simple questions will be sure to drive your colleagues round the bend and back again. Have a quick search before you really have to interrupt others as they work.
7. At the other end of the spectrum are those of you who never ask for help, especially when you clearly need some. Stop this. It only leads to irritating amounts of huffing and puffing, and outward displays of stress that, quite frankly, everyone could do without. If help is necessary – ask!
8. There’s light chit-chat in the office, and then there is verbal overload. You must avoid the latter category at all costs. Nobody wants to listen to you droning on and on about the smallest things, so zip it and let everyone get on with their tasks!
9. Do you have a terrible response rate when it comes to e-mails? Ignoring e-mails makes it seem like you are far too busy with other important tasks, and can’t make time for your co-workers. Even worse, your lack of responses may extend to your clients, signalling bad time management – sort it out, and quickly!
10. Over-sharing is the biggest cause of most cringe-induced deaths. Okay, we made that up, but please – know where the line is. This goes for you if you are guilty of constantly bringing up ‘your better half’, discussing personal relationships, or letting the whole office know about your amazing, brand-new car/house/holiday...You’re either trying to show off or bore everyone to sleep. Please desist.
11. You constantly look at other people's computer screens. This is equal to the reading of newspapers over the shoulder of your fellow morning commuter, and may result in the same swift elbow in the ribs.
12. Office social-climbing. Sucking up to the boss is going to irritate your colleagues beyond belief, as is rubbing your newfound friendship in their faces.
13. VOLUME CONTROL! Do you type louder than was thought to be humanly possible? Maybe you laugh at an alarming volume or only ever talk on speakerphone. A word of advice – inside voices! You’re probably deafening the person next to you and you can’t not be interrupting everyone else’s concentration. Shh!
14. Inappropriate jokes. There’s always someone who has to go too far! Even though you may work in what seems like a relaxed office, there can be a fine line between amusing and offending people. Things to avoid at all costs; racism, sexism, political discussions. And if you work in one of these mysterious offices that still partake in pranks, just don’t let it get this far...
15. Passive-aggressive dispensing of Post-Its. If you have a bone to pick about something, say it in person! Everybody will know who has left the note anyway, and makes you look petty.